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The Two Sexes: Growing up apart, coming together
In this article, the author traces the development of preferences for same-sex social partners and the avoidance of the opposite sex along with age.
Infants and toddlers
Infants and toddlers’ social surroundings are mainly influenced and structured by their parents, adults taking care of them or older siblings if there are any. They have little social interactions with other children of the same age and hence, do not seem to exhibit any preferences for same sex social partners. It has been found that even when it comes to the attachment to their parents, boys and girls are found to be equally likely to be attached to either their mother or father. Through repeated observations, Howes (1988a) has shown that even though toddlers are selective when it comes to their interactive partners, they showed no tendency to prefer same-sex children as friends. However, according to the home observations done by Dunn and Kendrick (1982), both younger and older siblings imitated same-sex siblings more frequently than opposite-sex siblings and there were considerably more friendly interaction in same-sex pairs than in opposite-sex pairs. In the same study conducted by Howes, children in their third year would begin to choose their friends mainly from among same sex peers, with girls showing stronger same-sex preferences than boys. Boys, by contrast, were fairly gender neutral in their social imitations at age 3, but changed quickly thereafter so that by age 4, their same sex preferences were strong and by age 5, stronger than those of the girls. An exception occurs such that children tended to maintain their cross-sex friendships into their preschool year if their early friends were still available.
Preschoolers
Children at this age now have more opportunities to interact with other children near their own age and it is in this environment that gender differentiation emerges. It can be observed from the free-play activities that there are usually stable pairs of best friends and also small social groupings of three to four children who play together frequently, of which are almost primarily all girls or all boys. There are exceptions, however, if a boy spent time with a girls’ group, he will always not be a member of the focal pair, and the same vice versa. Whiting and Edwards (1988) observed that children aged 4-5 consistently spent most of their play time with other children of their own sex. When only the interaction with non-siblings was considered, same-sex playmates were chosen approximately two thirds of the time by children aged 3-6; by age 6-10, the proportion has increased to more than three-fourths time spent in same sex play. By age 6.5, the ratio of same- to other-sex play partners had increased to 11 to 1. It seems that preschoolers appear to be displaying categorical reactions based on their coding of other children’s gender.
Middle childhood
When children enter school, patterns of gender segregation become more distinct. However, it also depends on how much choice the children have as to choosing their social partners. In schools, teachers tend to group both boys and girls together, although such efforts have not usually been effective and often received negatively while on the other hand, experimental treatments aimed at changing the status relations of boys and girls are able to bring about more equity in their social exchanges. Same-sex social preferences are then only seen mainly in the corridors, on the playgrounds, in lunchrooms, or during extracurricular activities in which adults have not interfered in constructing gender-integrated structures. At this age, children tend to nominate same-sex children as their “best friends” and also tend to sit at “girls tables” or “boys tables”. The pull toward same-gender social association becomes even stronger in middle childhood, probably reaching its peak at about ages 8-11.
As summarized above, it can be seen that as children grow up, they tend to mix more with children of the same sex. Girls might begin the gender segregation process, however after the age of 4, boys end up taking up a more active role in maintaining the social separation of the sexes and while adults are actively involved in preventing so, few results were positive.
Recounting an example from my primary school years, I remember how Primary One students are always asked to line up in two rows; boys and girls separately, and made to hold each other’s hands as they moved from one place to the other. There were few objections, or maybe none. However, as they moved towards the later part of the academic year, it seemed rather difficult for the teacher to continue with this practice. It is indeed puzzling why such segregation could be seen as children grow older and I would like to associate part of it to how we attach ourselves to people based on physical appearances. As we grow older, the physical features of boys and girls become more distinct to us and we develop the ability to recognize “boys” and “girls” features. As boys and girls are inevitably different in biological terms and hence physical terms, we tend to be more inclined towards people that seem to look more like us. As a result, girls tend to hang out with girls and boys tend to play around with boys, although there are certain exceptions where certain boys may look more feminine and vice versa. This is also similar to how racial segregation takes place where people tend to mix around with people of the same race.
Of course, there could be other reasons such as the cultural and social contexts that the child grows up in and as the article has mentioned, experimental treatments aimed at changing the status relations of boys and girls are also able to bring about more equity in their social exchanges, thus showing that the development described in the article may not be static or fixed.
Infants and toddlers
Infants and toddlers’ social surroundings are mainly influenced and structured by their parents, adults taking care of them or older siblings if there are any. They have little social interactions with other children of the same age and hence, do not seem to exhibit any preferences for same sex social partners. It has been found that even when it comes to the attachment to their parents, boys and girls are found to be equally likely to be attached to either their mother or father. Through repeated observations, Howes (1988a) has shown that even though toddlers are selective when it comes to their interactive partners, they showed no tendency to prefer same-sex children as friends. However, according to the home observations done by Dunn and Kendrick (1982), both younger and older siblings imitated same-sex siblings more frequently than opposite-sex siblings and there were considerably more friendly interaction in same-sex pairs than in opposite-sex pairs. In the same study conducted by Howes, children in their third year would begin to choose their friends mainly from among same sex peers, with girls showing stronger same-sex preferences than boys. Boys, by contrast, were fairly gender neutral in their social imitations at age 3, but changed quickly thereafter so that by age 4, their same sex preferences were strong and by age 5, stronger than those of the girls. An exception occurs such that children tended to maintain their cross-sex friendships into their preschool year if their early friends were still available.
Preschoolers
Children at this age now have more opportunities to interact with other children near their own age and it is in this environment that gender differentiation emerges. It can be observed from the free-play activities that there are usually stable pairs of best friends and also small social groupings of three to four children who play together frequently, of which are almost primarily all girls or all boys. There are exceptions, however, if a boy spent time with a girls’ group, he will always not be a member of the focal pair, and the same vice versa. Whiting and Edwards (1988) observed that children aged 4-5 consistently spent most of their play time with other children of their own sex. When only the interaction with non-siblings was considered, same-sex playmates were chosen approximately two thirds of the time by children aged 3-6; by age 6-10, the proportion has increased to more than three-fourths time spent in same sex play. By age 6.5, the ratio of same- to other-sex play partners had increased to 11 to 1. It seems that preschoolers appear to be displaying categorical reactions based on their coding of other children’s gender.
Middle childhood
When children enter school, patterns of gender segregation become more distinct. However, it also depends on how much choice the children have as to choosing their social partners. In schools, teachers tend to group both boys and girls together, although such efforts have not usually been effective and often received negatively while on the other hand, experimental treatments aimed at changing the status relations of boys and girls are able to bring about more equity in their social exchanges. Same-sex social preferences are then only seen mainly in the corridors, on the playgrounds, in lunchrooms, or during extracurricular activities in which adults have not interfered in constructing gender-integrated structures. At this age, children tend to nominate same-sex children as their “best friends” and also tend to sit at “girls tables” or “boys tables”. The pull toward same-gender social association becomes even stronger in middle childhood, probably reaching its peak at about ages 8-11.
As summarized above, it can be seen that as children grow up, they tend to mix more with children of the same sex. Girls might begin the gender segregation process, however after the age of 4, boys end up taking up a more active role in maintaining the social separation of the sexes and while adults are actively involved in preventing so, few results were positive.
Recounting an example from my primary school years, I remember how Primary One students are always asked to line up in two rows; boys and girls separately, and made to hold each other’s hands as they moved from one place to the other. There were few objections, or maybe none. However, as they moved towards the later part of the academic year, it seemed rather difficult for the teacher to continue with this practice. It is indeed puzzling why such segregation could be seen as children grow older and I would like to associate part of it to how we attach ourselves to people based on physical appearances. As we grow older, the physical features of boys and girls become more distinct to us and we develop the ability to recognize “boys” and “girls” features. As boys and girls are inevitably different in biological terms and hence physical terms, we tend to be more inclined towards people that seem to look more like us. As a result, girls tend to hang out with girls and boys tend to play around with boys, although there are certain exceptions where certain boys may look more feminine and vice versa. This is also similar to how racial segregation takes place where people tend to mix around with people of the same race.
Of course, there could be other reasons such as the cultural and social contexts that the child grows up in and as the article has mentioned, experimental treatments aimed at changing the status relations of boys and girls are also able to bring about more equity in their social exchanges, thus showing that the development described in the article may not be static or fixed.
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