“Odd Couples”. This was the title for the Saturday Special article in the Straits times on 12 Februrary 2011. This article featured a few married couples who are considered to be odd, yet managing to stay together for many years. They are considered odd either because of their living arrangements, choice of partner or some other characteristic that make them stand out from the common idea of a married couple. I titled this contribution as “ODD Couples? – At least according to Hegemonic Beliefs” because I feel that they have been singled out because they aren’t acting according to what society belief a husband or wife in a married couple should act. Such beliefs that society hold so strongly are hegemonic beliefs ( as prof Eric explained in tutorial), and if they do not act according to it, then they will be singled out and have to explain themselves like through this news article.

I will highlight some interesting points in the article that caught my attention. I attempt to show how implicitly these couple however different their roles are, still fall back neatly into our stereotypes of what it means to be masculine or feminine.

Overview
The section I chose to elaborate more on is entitled “HE’S A STAY-AT-HOME DAD. SHE’S A HIGH-FLYER GO-GETTER”. This section featured a couple - the husband is an Englishman while the wife is a Singaporean, who live on a Yacht in Hong Kong. They were selected I guess because of their unique social arrangement – where the wife goes out to work while the husband stays home, and that they stay on a yacht not an actual house like the rest of us.

Some assumptions of men
Having married a Caucasian, the wife was questioned on why she chose to marry him. Her answer listed a few assumptions about men. She said:

“He’s unlike a lot of other men. He’s simple and I don’t mean it in a negative way.”

“He’s not complex or complicated. There is no agenda. What you see is what you get”

By her answer, it seems like the underlying assumption is that most men are complicated, complex people with hidden agendas. I think this ties in very well with the general feeling of vulnerability that women experience in public spaces. Most women have a fear of public space, as public spaces are thought of to be dangerous. This is reinforced with media reports on how women often fall victim to public crimes and most of these perpetrators are men. Therefore, women may be socialized to think that men are people they should hold their guard up against.

Odd social arrangement
For this family, the wife earns much more than the husband. Thus, they came to an agreement that it made economic sense for her to go out to work while he stayed home to care for their three children. In the article it states:

“They made a decision that raised some eyebrows. She asked if he could stay home and look after the children while she brought home the bacon.”

Their social arrangement was not a conventional one. We could tell from the phrase “raised some eyebrows”, that there was disapproval for this arrangement. From our readings we read that one way of upholding hegemonic norms is to sanction it by showing signs of approval when it is upheld or more commonly disapproval when it is violated. In this case, their unconventional social arrangement was subjected to disapproval by some around them.

Another part of the statement that I found intriguing is that she was the one who asked him to stay home and not the other way round. For a woman to go out into the public from the private is considered to be an elevation of status – from a traditional housewife to a career woman. However, for the man, to go from being a working father to a stay-at-home dad is seen by society as a fall in status. This is as the role of caring is seen to be a natural skill that women have and this is a skill that does not require training, therefore caring is often devalued. I guess it can be expected that the wife was the one who suggested this arrangement instead of her husband, because she has less to lose in terms of social status.

Role of the father and mother at home
The views of a family friend was sought to see if the husband was indeed capable of caring for the three children. When asked, the friend described the stay-home-dad as:

“fun, spontaneous but firm father who has done a superb job in raising the children.”

When I saw this statement, I was reminded of the different roles a father and a mother play. In our reading by Davis, he said that children often go to their fathers for fun and enjoyment but look for their mother for comfort. This is very well supported in this case, whereby the standards for him being a good father is first by him being ‘fun and spontaneous’ and less of him as a ‘disciplinarian’.

Masculinity of husband at risk?
The question of how this husband defined his masculinity identity was at the back of my head as I read the article. The primary role of a father as the breadwinner of the family is not fulfilled here, so what defines him as a man? The reporter asked him how he spent his free time and his answer cleared some of my questions. He said:

“If I didn’t have a boat to occupy myself, I might have gone a little crazy.”

This reinforces the notion that men when they help out at home, it has to be activities outside the confines of the home – in the public space. Activities like mowing the lawn or washing the car have often been identified by men to be their duties at home.

Some final thoughts
The closing statement of this article very neatly sums up once again the assumptions of men and their needs/wants. The wife jokes:

“Hey, I pay him well for looking after the kids, you know. He gets money, he gets sex, it’s not that bad a deal, is it?”

She reinforces once again that even though she is the one working, he too is not disadvantaged in this arrangement. She seems to suggest that she has the tougher role at her job, yet he still gets money and the assumed male need for sexual activity.

I think that the name for this article is very apt. We rarely come across families with such social arrangement. I just wonder what sort of criteria has to be met for such social arrangements to be possible. Does the wife have to have a far bigger salary (as in the case of this woman) or perhaps a super confident husband that care not what others think?I guess this is something we can discuss about.