Going Dutch
It is amusing to me when I see couples doing the “bill tango” and by that, I am referring to the act of deciding who will settle the bill for the meal. This tango would begin with both the male and female reaching out for the bill and then when it comes to the method of payment both parties are insisting that they would pay for the meal. The story would usually end in in one of two possibilities. Firstly, the female could eventually give in to the male and let him pay the bill or they could decide to split the cost of the meal, more often than not, the former option prevails.

This trend is not limited to Singaporeans and you can see it happening around the world. The popular US television series How I Met Your Mother did bring up this issue in one of its episodes and they had an interesting viewpoint with regards to this issue. It was explained from a male point of views that guys prefer it when girls offer to share the cost of the meal but in the end they would pay. He elaborates that this is because it would ease the male ego when he settles the bill but he is comforted to know that the girl is not one who likes to “free load” off him. I think that this perspective is interesting as it does not at all break gender stereotypes, instead reinforces it by playing up the male ego.

I would think that the “bill tango” is more and more common nowadays because gender equality, be it in the legal or social arena, has not been fully established. Socially, it is still unclear as a social norm whether or not a girl should pay for her share of the bill because neither the males nor the females know of the other party’s position on this issue. Most girls nowadays are comfortable and prefer to “go dutch” when on dates but it is when the guy assumes that the girl would want to “go dutch” but she does not, can it get embarrassing for both parties. (Going dutch being the slang for splitting the bill") In my opinion, this uncertainty is still prevalent in today’s society because gender equality between sexes has not been fully established. Men are not sure whether they should be the “gentleman” in the scenario and pay for the date as it might seem too chauvinistic to some females when the males assume likewise. For females, some women who are not fully agreeable with the full equality between sexes might still expect men to take on more traditional roles like paying for the meals and pulling up the seat for her.

In the past where women were traditionally made to stay home and not allowed to work, they had no income and thus could rarely afford a decnt meal without a male paying for it. Thus it was common practice to see men paying for meal, in fact it was the norm and it was expected of males to do so. But should this and can this be applied in modern day context when many women are working and earning their own income. The second wave feminism in the States, during the late 1960s and 1970s, who fought for women’s rights, asked of women to discard gender roles assumptions and be empowered to pay for their share of the means. With women asking for equal rights, it should encompass both the positive and negative aspects with regards to gender equality. It is highly hypocritical to argue and demand for gender equality yet when it comes to the parts that are less favourable for a female to say, “Oh but men SHOULD pay, because they are males”. This reflects poorly on the females and reinforces gender stereotypes and roles.

In conclusion, I’m inclined to agree with the perspective that women should go dutch because it would be silly to say that I am pro-gender equality yet accept certain stereotypes. However I would also like to say that it is still sweet when guys do offer to pay, especially for special romantic dates like anniversaries and birthdays. (:


Works cited

Ribbing, M. (n.d.). Delad nota är delad glädje (Shared bill is shared joy). Mat & Dryck , http://www.dn.se/mat-dryck/etikett/delad-nota-ar-delad-gladje.

Wouters, C. (1995). Etiquette Books and Emotion Management in the 20th Century: Part Two: The Integration of the Sexes. Journal of Social History , 325-339.